Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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