I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize