He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
