should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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