I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All the doctor said was why
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
