You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
