Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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