He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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