i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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