He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
