This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
