Can i not drive my cunt home
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
