We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
