never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
