We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
