i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
