I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize