i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
