Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
