Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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