Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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