i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
