I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
