i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
