remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
