she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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