i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
