I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize