The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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