okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
