Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
