I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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