Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Damn victory sex feels great
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
