omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
