I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
