im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
