FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
