I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
