it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
