I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
