No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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