The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
