I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
