she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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