Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
