Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
