i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
