sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
