did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
