I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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