Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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