You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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