I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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