I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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