You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
