She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
