So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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