Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
