Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
