she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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