Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
