What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
