her vagine was all disorganized.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
