but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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