worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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