Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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