He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida