Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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