taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.