i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack